This is one week that I hope I never have to relive. Painful, uncomfortable, and stressful. Landon came home on Sunday because this is the week we had planned to bring everything we have been going through to a close. We had a few more papers to sign before the court date, and then yesterday was the Court date to finalize our divorce.
First off, it was very painful for both of us to be together in the same house after all this, and knowing that in a few days our marriage would be legally over.
Second, I could feel his pain, and that made mine more acute.
I know that to most people that I know, and to my family I have seemed like I was really ok with all of this, and it was having a pretty minimal effect on me.
But this has been the most painful process of my entire life. Severing a relationship with a man whom I loved for over 11 years should not be, and is not easy. It is very hard, and very painful. He was my best friend. I have lost that. Along with losing my husband.
I do know that this was my choice, and Landon did not want to get divorced, and that he is hurting, and I have turned his whole life upside down. The thought that I caused that pain, and also the uncertainty of his life is a very hurtful, painful idea for me to think about.
I never wanted this. But I also know deep in my heart and soul that I have made the right choice.
I hope and pray that he finds true happiness in his life without me, and that I can do the same.
So with all of this, our divorce is Final. Our marriage of 11 years is over.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Work, Work, and More Work
So the past few weeks have been unbelievable. I will start with the week of the 12th.
I was invited to attend a training session for my job that is a very intense week long training. It was here in Texas, yet they asked that I stay in the hotel with the other participants because we were split into 5 groups of 6, and were expected to do a case study, and presentation on the last day. So We were in training from 8 - 5:30-6 everyday, then went to the Hotel, and worked on our case study, and presentation at night. It was non-stop. Our group happened to be the best group…if you ask me! I was very fortunate to get a good group of six. They all were very easy to work with, and had tons of great ideas! So our group was usually done by 9-9:30 each night, and still turned out the best presentation! Most of the other teams were up until 11-12 still working on theirs! So on Thursday night, we were complete with our PowerPoint, and we had the night to practice. It was a very long, and I did not have any time to do any of my normal work, so the weekend after, I got to work all weekend! The second crazy part, was that I was leaving for a trip where I was visiting 5 stores in Utah and Colorado, and I had had absolutely no time to get anything ready. So Monday I flew out to go on my trip. It went ok, even though it was also a very long, hard trip.
So I have not really been home for two weeks, I had a friend of mine watch Butch for the first week, and put him in the kennels for the second week, and he is a little worse for wear. I am so grateful that I have someone that would watch him that first week, so I did not have to put him in the kennels for 2 weeks in a row. He has a really hard time at the kennels, and I hate putting him up there for too much time.
Well, that is my last two weeks, as it relates to work! I feel like I could sleep for another two weeks, and not ever wake up!
I was invited to attend a training session for my job that is a very intense week long training. It was here in Texas, yet they asked that I stay in the hotel with the other participants because we were split into 5 groups of 6, and were expected to do a case study, and presentation on the last day. So We were in training from 8 - 5:30-6 everyday, then went to the Hotel, and worked on our case study, and presentation at night. It was non-stop. Our group happened to be the best group…if you ask me! I was very fortunate to get a good group of six. They all were very easy to work with, and had tons of great ideas! So our group was usually done by 9-9:30 each night, and still turned out the best presentation! Most of the other teams were up until 11-12 still working on theirs! So on Thursday night, we were complete with our PowerPoint, and we had the night to practice. It was a very long, and I did not have any time to do any of my normal work, so the weekend after, I got to work all weekend! The second crazy part, was that I was leaving for a trip where I was visiting 5 stores in Utah and Colorado, and I had had absolutely no time to get anything ready. So Monday I flew out to go on my trip. It went ok, even though it was also a very long, hard trip.
So I have not really been home for two weeks, I had a friend of mine watch Butch for the first week, and put him in the kennels for the second week, and he is a little worse for wear. I am so grateful that I have someone that would watch him that first week, so I did not have to put him in the kennels for 2 weeks in a row. He has a really hard time at the kennels, and I hate putting him up there for too much time.
Well, that is my last two weeks, as it relates to work! I feel like I could sleep for another two weeks, and not ever wake up!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
25 Things
A very good friend of mine sent me a list where he had been tagged on Facebook to write 25 thoughts, goals, or values and post it to his site. So I decided to take a stab at it. He is really good at doing things like this, and I am not so good, but I wanted to give it a try! Here it is. I challenge each of you who read my blog to try this yourself…It was hard for me, and took me more than one day!
1. I believe anyone can do anything if they are willing to do what is necessary. However, you need to realize that sometimes what it takes to get what you want is not worth it, and hope that you don’t realize that after you have already lost something that should have been more important.
2. I love to read. As a child I would go to my bedroom after school, and read until dinner, sometimes I would try to read during dinner (that usually did not go over too well with my mom and dad) then after dinner I would once again go back to my room to read. As an adult, reading is my outlet.
3. My life would not be complete without music.
4. I think I should have been born a boy. I love the outdoors. I love lakes, rivers, mountains. I like to shoot, fish, hike, boat. I love to go to sporting events. I would rather not gossip about stupid stuff, and I HATE SHOPPING. I would rather not ever have to wear a dress, and wearing pantyhose is pure torture.
5. I have always wanted to learn at least 3 languages.
6. I like to work. I may not like every aspect of my employment, but I need something to do, and I really like to earn money.
7. I am loyal. I have been with the same company for almost 12 years and I really have no intentions of going somewhere else.
8. I am one of those weird people who think that the natural way when possible is the way you should go. Pharmaceuticals are not good to put into your body, but…if the medicine you take is the only way to keep you alive, do it. If you can do something else, such as exercise, or eat better, or sleep more, or have less stress, you should do whatever you can to not have to take a pill.
9. I believe in the power of positive thinking, and I try very hard to keep my eyes up towards the sun, and a smile on my face. I also believe in the power of negative thinking, and I try to avoid those people who have continuous negative energy around them.
10. Deep down inside I have always wondered what it would be like to be a witch or Rainbow bright.
11. Or live with elves, dragons, and magic. I love fantasy books. And I would dream about living in a world where fantastic things were possible.
12. I really dislike “reality” TV shows. I live in the real world, I don’t want to watch it as entertainment. I want to be entertained with FICTION!! I love action shows. If it blows up, or drives fast, or shoots, I want to see it.
13. I think that people that blame their current situation on their past need a swift kick.
14. I came from a large family and grew up in the country. My parents are very religious, and want their family to follow suit. I am a constant disappointment to them in this aspect, as I do not feel that their religion is mine right now. All this combined, I had a great childhood, I love my family, and even though they wish I lived my life in a different way, they still accept me, and love me. That is what family is really about. Unconditional love. If you are not able to give this, please don’t have a family.
15. I believe that the mistakes of my past have made me a stronger, better person, I also believe that I will continue to make mistakes, and as long as I learn from them, and keep trying to be a better person, I have not and will not fail. Along with this, If I was given the choice to clear away one thing from my past, It would be hard for me to come up with one.
16. I am from Idaho, and I love Potatoes…Cliché I know, but I could eat them at every meal. Think about it this way, you know the part on Forest Gump where his buddy is talking about all the different ways you can have shrimp??? Here is a little start of that: Baked Potatoes, Mashed Potatoes, Scalloped Potatoes, French Fried Potatoes, Potato Patties, Hash Browns, Potatoes O’Brian, Twice baked Potatoes ect..ect..
17. I do not like to waste time playing Computer Games, or Video Games. I do not own a video game, or a computer game.
18. I am a sports fan-ish. I love to go to sporting events. I do enjoy watching some sports on TV, but any sporting event that I have actually gone to I have enjoyed.
19. I have not ever shoplifted anything (that I remember I say under 5 doesn’t count because I cant remember it)
20. I have taken the 7 habits of Highly Effective People, and also have read the book, and recommend it to everyone. There is one thing in there I can share that I wrote. “What do I consider to be my most important contributions to others” is the question. My response: “Accepting people as they are, and helping them become more if that is their goal.” I feel very strongly about this. I have really strong opposition to the habit of Judging others. That is not our place.
21. One more thing from that workshop. We were asked to draft a personal “mission statement” and here is what I wrote in the 10 minutes that they allowed us.
- Give Something of myself everyday, but don’t let it change me. While I am giving kindness, compassion, time, and anything else that is needed at the time, take that opportunity to learn. Then take what I learn and grow from it. While I am learning to grow, I need to realize that I can endure anything as long as I believe there will always be others who can benefit from something that I have or know that they do not. Be able to accept others as they are, and understand that they are how they are for a reason. Listen to what they have to say, and if they say, or are something that I do not agree with, or believe, or have objections to, I can still let them be who and what they are, because they are unique. Do not resist change, Keep your faith and values but stay open, honest and kind.
22. I have often thought about going back to school, but would have no idea what I would want to go back for. Unless it was to learn those languages I want to learn.
23. I don’t like cats. (I suppose I would not make a good witch after all…)
24. I lived in a state that shares a border with Canada, and have never gone over the boarder. I would like to someday.
25. I do not like meat.
1. I believe anyone can do anything if they are willing to do what is necessary. However, you need to realize that sometimes what it takes to get what you want is not worth it, and hope that you don’t realize that after you have already lost something that should have been more important.
2. I love to read. As a child I would go to my bedroom after school, and read until dinner, sometimes I would try to read during dinner (that usually did not go over too well with my mom and dad) then after dinner I would once again go back to my room to read. As an adult, reading is my outlet.
3. My life would not be complete without music.
4. I think I should have been born a boy. I love the outdoors. I love lakes, rivers, mountains. I like to shoot, fish, hike, boat. I love to go to sporting events. I would rather not gossip about stupid stuff, and I HATE SHOPPING. I would rather not ever have to wear a dress, and wearing pantyhose is pure torture.
5. I have always wanted to learn at least 3 languages.
6. I like to work. I may not like every aspect of my employment, but I need something to do, and I really like to earn money.
7. I am loyal. I have been with the same company for almost 12 years and I really have no intentions of going somewhere else.
8. I am one of those weird people who think that the natural way when possible is the way you should go. Pharmaceuticals are not good to put into your body, but…if the medicine you take is the only way to keep you alive, do it. If you can do something else, such as exercise, or eat better, or sleep more, or have less stress, you should do whatever you can to not have to take a pill.
9. I believe in the power of positive thinking, and I try very hard to keep my eyes up towards the sun, and a smile on my face. I also believe in the power of negative thinking, and I try to avoid those people who have continuous negative energy around them.
10. Deep down inside I have always wondered what it would be like to be a witch or Rainbow bright.
11. Or live with elves, dragons, and magic. I love fantasy books. And I would dream about living in a world where fantastic things were possible.
12. I really dislike “reality” TV shows. I live in the real world, I don’t want to watch it as entertainment. I want to be entertained with FICTION!! I love action shows. If it blows up, or drives fast, or shoots, I want to see it.
13. I think that people that blame their current situation on their past need a swift kick.
14. I came from a large family and grew up in the country. My parents are very religious, and want their family to follow suit. I am a constant disappointment to them in this aspect, as I do not feel that their religion is mine right now. All this combined, I had a great childhood, I love my family, and even though they wish I lived my life in a different way, they still accept me, and love me. That is what family is really about. Unconditional love. If you are not able to give this, please don’t have a family.
15. I believe that the mistakes of my past have made me a stronger, better person, I also believe that I will continue to make mistakes, and as long as I learn from them, and keep trying to be a better person, I have not and will not fail. Along with this, If I was given the choice to clear away one thing from my past, It would be hard for me to come up with one.
16. I am from Idaho, and I love Potatoes…Cliché I know, but I could eat them at every meal. Think about it this way, you know the part on Forest Gump where his buddy is talking about all the different ways you can have shrimp??? Here is a little start of that: Baked Potatoes, Mashed Potatoes, Scalloped Potatoes, French Fried Potatoes, Potato Patties, Hash Browns, Potatoes O’Brian, Twice baked Potatoes ect..ect..
17. I do not like to waste time playing Computer Games, or Video Games. I do not own a video game, or a computer game.
18. I am a sports fan-ish. I love to go to sporting events. I do enjoy watching some sports on TV, but any sporting event that I have actually gone to I have enjoyed.
19. I have not ever shoplifted anything (that I remember I say under 5 doesn’t count because I cant remember it)
20. I have taken the 7 habits of Highly Effective People, and also have read the book, and recommend it to everyone. There is one thing in there I can share that I wrote. “What do I consider to be my most important contributions to others” is the question. My response: “Accepting people as they are, and helping them become more if that is their goal.” I feel very strongly about this. I have really strong opposition to the habit of Judging others. That is not our place.
21. One more thing from that workshop. We were asked to draft a personal “mission statement” and here is what I wrote in the 10 minutes that they allowed us.
- Give Something of myself everyday, but don’t let it change me. While I am giving kindness, compassion, time, and anything else that is needed at the time, take that opportunity to learn. Then take what I learn and grow from it. While I am learning to grow, I need to realize that I can endure anything as long as I believe there will always be others who can benefit from something that I have or know that they do not. Be able to accept others as they are, and understand that they are how they are for a reason. Listen to what they have to say, and if they say, or are something that I do not agree with, or believe, or have objections to, I can still let them be who and what they are, because they are unique. Do not resist change, Keep your faith and values but stay open, honest and kind.
22. I have often thought about going back to school, but would have no idea what I would want to go back for. Unless it was to learn those languages I want to learn.
23. I don’t like cats. (I suppose I would not make a good witch after all…)
24. I lived in a state that shares a border with Canada, and have never gone over the boarder. I would like to someday.
25. I do not like meat.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
The Lawn
I used to think that mowing the lawn was a chore, and I would procrastinate, but once I would finally get mowing, it would not be so bad. I have now changed my mind. Mowing the lawn in Texas is miserable. It is too hot to hardly move, yet you have to be in the hot, pushing a mower sweating like you didn’t know you could, getting heat stroke, then you go in, jump in a cool shower, and continue to sweat for another hour or so, all the while drinking as much water as you can. Then lo and behold, the headache from the heat exhaustion comes! I can’t say that I like to mow the lawn any more! Not at all!!
But here are some beautiful pictures of a nice freshly mowed lawn that almost killed me!!!
But here are some beautiful pictures of a nice freshly mowed lawn that almost killed me!!!
Good Friends Good Food
It has been an odd experience going out with friends that are my friends, and not “our” friends since Landon and I have separated. I was invited over to dinner last night to some friends house and they grilled up some pork chops, and some fish, potatoes, and stuffed tomatoes. It was all really good (except the pork!! Cant tell you if that was good or not, but I suspect it was.)
But it has been good just making new friends, and not staying home all the time by myself. (Even though I do enjoy that sometimes too!)
But it has been good just making new friends, and not staying home all the time by myself. (Even though I do enjoy that sometimes too!)
Monday, July 6, 2009
Happy 4th!
I had a great 4th of July thanks to a new friend of mine. I have made some really good friends since I have started taking violin lessons again, and since we hung out together every Thursday for like 12 weeks prior to the recital.
Any way, one of the guys that is another adult student knows about my current situation, and asked if I was doing anything for the 4th. Of course I did not have any plans, so he invited me to go with him to his friends house in Granbury. We had such a great time! J and B have a boat, and live right there by the lake, so we were out on the lake Friday, and Saturday! J and B’s parents actually live on the lake, so Saturday evening we were at their place with about 40 other people, sat on their dock, and watched fireworks.
I met so many great people, and had a really good time!
Any way, one of the guys that is another adult student knows about my current situation, and asked if I was doing anything for the 4th. Of course I did not have any plans, so he invited me to go with him to his friends house in Granbury. We had such a great time! J and B have a boat, and live right there by the lake, so we were out on the lake Friday, and Saturday! J and B’s parents actually live on the lake, so Saturday evening we were at their place with about 40 other people, sat on their dock, and watched fireworks.
I met so many great people, and had a really good time!
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